all the little things

choices choices

noreply@blogger.com (adelaine) — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 07:40:00 +0000

I am so unhappy with my work. There is only 15 more months to go and I wonder should I just suck it in and do the 'responsible' thing or start finding a new job now and resign as soon as I find a new one.. or just resign, take a break and slowly look for new work. I can't be that unwanted???? mm..

But it is just getting so unbearable that I keep asking myself- what am I doing this for???

What a bad way to start a new year. But perhaps I should really start uncluttering my life with things that make me unhappy- just throw them out.

hello 2010

noreply@blogger.com (adelaine) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 20:17:00 +0000

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!

Wow! yet another year. so I am back! How was my holiday..? Well it was as bad as it was good.. well it was good because I get to meet up with friends and enjoy great Asian food. seriously London has better Asian food than Asia sometimes.. there is such a huge community of Asians that is willing to splurge on good food and it taste as authentic as it should- compared to the Asian food in German- it has been much "germanised". I feel so "at home" in London.. perhaps it is the people.. perhaps it is the food.. but its like home away from home compared to Germany it is dirty and disorganised and "unsafe".. yet there is a strange sort of comfort in the chaos. But now, Germany slowly feels more like home...

When I reach home, I feel as if I am in my very own sanctuary. Today after a good lavender enriched bubble bath.. some good home cooked meals, a sherry and a few beers.. with loads of mangas to read.. I feel all refreshed and ready for work again tomorrow... there goes another year.

oo.. I am so easily distracted these days.. and why was it bad? well... Nic my friend whom I stayed with bought a new house in London and when he told me it was still messy and not very ready.. it was an understatement.. so me, our other Malaysian friend and Nic spend 3 days straight cleaning up and assembling Ikea furniture as well as cooking up and cleaning up for his big party of 22 to "warm the house". That is of course not the problem.. the problem was after 3 days I started sporting pimples ...and one super large one on my nose that I look like Rudolf for Xmas.. urrrgghhh.. I will spare you by not posting pictures of this "look".

Then I develop an minor skin allergy and got stiff neck for day from not sleeping "correctly" on my pillow.. as I am a veryyyy sound sleeper, sometimes I don't wake myself up when I am sleeping uncomfortably and this result in a bad case of stiff neck and back pain...and what is worst of all this revelation????? I feel like I sound like an old woman!!!!! My goodnesssss :(

I should be out, partying, enjoying myself.. my only complain should be that I have not enough sleep from the partying or perhaps the bad hangovers... but these days... oh, my back... oh, my allergies etc.. :(

how scary... well you can't stay young forever but you can always remain immature and that I must strive towards... hahaha..

X'mas comes lately

noreply@blogger.com (adelaine) — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 11:46:00 +0000

My whole brain is in shut down mode..

*system is shutting down*.. beep beeep ..flicker

I do not feel like working or solving the world's problem - I just need a break!!!!

So I am leaving for London early X'mas eve. Planning to do some shopping and lots of eating and will be back by 1st of Jan. With some pictures perhaps...

What do I want:

1. Canon EOS 500D Digital SLR Camera top toppp tooppp want *drool*
2. A dual time watch
3. Trench coat

So lets see what I come back with.. hehehehe probably everything but just not what is in the list! Strangely there isn't anything that I must have.. mm... plenty of things I want but I don't really need them.. well... we will see...

Here's some pictures of my latest trip to a Xmas market in an old castle nearby..

link to album.

So in case I do not blog tomorrow.... Happy Holidays!!!

An Old Irish Blessing

May love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life's passing seasons
bring the best to you and yours!

what a man wants

noreply@blogger.com (adelaine) — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 13:02:00 +0000

Since the beginning of rational thoughts, men has been asking- what does a women want?

What a man wants for instance as always been simplified. Sex, food, sport and the money and power to get the first 3.

Perhaps in simpler times, but honestly I think what men wants is far more complex than women give them credit for. Women generally wants two things: Love and Support. Someone to love them, as unconditionally as possible and someone to support and spoil them- emotionally if they have the cash themselves and financially whenever possible. If all three are not possible (usually very hard to come together), a very strong inclination of one of them would have to do...

Men on the other hand... mmm... strive for perfection. A beauty, with a kind heart, a smart head on her shoulder, funny, interesting, understanding, gives them space and someone who would be a good mother to his children..

Obviously these prefect creatures are far and in between.. and once in a while some people come close to finding it.. and yes, while no one is perfect, you might get cheated on with... puuhhh girls on the furthest away scale worthy of your time.

Good example: Tiger Woods .. now, men cheating is nothing new.. but his taste in these "mistresses" yikes.. perhaps for an average joe.. but goodness sake.. you are the richest athlete in the world- get a Victoria Secret Model or at least whatever George Clooney is getting.. but these plastic women... mmm... what do men really want... really...

At least Brad Pitt left Jennifer for Angelina but what if he left her for Lindsay Lohan! Or one of those girls from The Hills.

You could be dating Elizabeth Hurley.. but no... you like cruising for road side snacks. You could be married to Halle Berry or Princess Diana but heck.. you are not happy...Here's a list of Time's Top 10 Mistresses very very incomplete but it's a good sampling of "... whatttt???" some I could understand.. perhaps they are not the world's most attractive women but they are soul mates... and you are in love... bla bla.. divorce your wife then.. but other are just *duhhhh*

There is no rhyme or reason to how men choose their women perhaps they really want a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom and perhaps really they need different women to fulfil they myriad of needs- some perhaps need one but an awfully odd choice..

But women, easy.. see a hot chick with an ugly dude.. he must be rolling in cash or have a silver tongue and know how to spoil her. Nearly always true isn't it?

Recently I have found the most obedient husbands to be married really to women who treat them like dogs, work them like a horse and milk them like a cow. And these women are always complaining and these men always work hard at trying to make them happy...

So if there is a lesson learnt from all this. I am going to treat my next partner like crap and because men are irrational being in any case and treating them well is a waste. Perhaps there is some truth in "treat them mean, keep them keen" ... silly men.

Men complain always about gold diggers and superficial bitches.. but hey, women who play nice are rarely treated well.. and that is a sad fact in life. Not always true... but nearly always true. Just look around you.

wow... year end already?

noreply@blogger.com (adelaine) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 12:42:00 +0000

I guess everyone is asking the same question... When you are a kid Christmas/New Year never came soon enough and now it just seems that time pass in a blink of an eye.. or 500 sleeps later.. yes 500 because sometimes I sleep 2 times a day.. hahaha..

I finally finished my exams last week. My life for the whole 2009 was leading up to that point.. I woke up at 4 am on Thursday, did some last minute reading and drove 2 hours down to the exams centre. Had two exams each is 3 hours and by the end of the day I was exhausted... but I dragged myself with my fellow German classmates to a beer in Frankfurt before heading home...

Then I started over compensating. I recently realise that I like to do this..

Friday I worked then had our company dinner, Sat I had to wake up early clean the house, prepare dinner as I had friends coming over for a wine and cheese party and had to meet another friend in the late afternoon for the Köln X'mas market. The dinner ended about 2 am in the morning and I had to wake up early and clean.. and I met with other friends in the afternoon for the Xmas market again....

It was freezing and I didn't want to take pictures.. brrrrrr...

As you can imagine.. Monday I was tired.. but after work met up with another friend who was leaving for his holidays in a city an hour away (Düsseldorf) from me for dinner.. Tuesday I had one day at home.. cleaning!! (again) and yesterday I was in the city to celebrate another friend's end of exams.. and today I am meeting up with another group of people for a X'mas market in Düsseldorf again...

oh my goddddddddddddd.... I seem to be high on something.. but it does seem that when I am pushing my time like this I feel less bored.. and very much more alive...

But I obviously cannot keep this up. I will die... so perhaps a nice rest on Friday.. and again some busy plans for the weekend. Clubbing Saturday and cart racing on Sunday.. mmmm...

Then I really need to recover because next week I am leaving for UK for my Xmas pilgrimage. I need my energy...

I was seriously feeling horrible especially in September/October- perhaps it was the sudden change of weather or just general stress of life.. but since November I have been feeling better.. settling down in this cold... feeling better all around again :)

And I am looking forward to the holidays in UK and looking forward to going home in January.. I am gonna get some SUN!!

And hopefully perhaps when I stop with all this going out stuff I could finally reorganise my website like I wanted to. Also re-pot my plants... I have managed to do half of them last Saturday..

Dear Lord.. when I think of all the 'homely' activities that needs to be done..all my cleaning, gardening and cooking.. I am so afraid that I am slowly turning to be that crazy cat lady.

Perhaps which is why I am overcompensating by going out.

one down two to go..

noreply@blogger.com (adelaine) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 14:19:00 +0000

well .. accounting and finance was done with.. I feel horrid! My whole time management was so poor that 75% of the essay question were done in a big rush :( *sob* I hope I pass and mercifully the multiple choices didn't turn out too badly...

is it too late to start praying now??

one of my assignment based subjects came back with it preliminary marks though.. and for economics- it was pretty good, better than I have expected..

but accounting.. I just want to pass... dear lord...

I also started a twitter account. Why? because @victorhiu was there.. hahaha..

anybody else in twitter..? I actually only know one person... how sad..

so now I am going to post all my scandalous news there.. if anything scandalous ever happens to me..

when you are allowed to compare..

noreply@blogger.com (adelaine) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 13:47:00 +0000

The Chinese saying goes that 'know contentment, always happy' or rather 'contentment is the key to happiness'..

Hence comparison is the key to all evil.... hahahaha..

I sent my little darling for servicing today and in the mean time, the car centre gave me a 520 to drive around.. Oooooooo.. never drove a 5 series before (I mean, would YOU trust me with your 5 series?)..

I always found the car a bit Spartan.. mmm.. snobby sounding bitch am I not...
hahahha but I mean for the price you pay you expect a bit more... and compared that to an E-class, I think Mercedes has more comfort and better finishing... buttttttt.. having said that.. I don't mind having any one of them if you want to send one (any one) as a gift for me. Also after having read many case studies, it seems that BMW is a better car and a better managed company in terms of it processes...bias.. god know.. I need to own one of each to know.. :P

After some driving around the 520, I felt that it has really easy to handle despite its size and the ride was smooth.. although I would assume with such a big body and only a 2.0 engine it would be a bit underpowered..? despite wanting to to do a test run and drive it down to Frankfurt.. (the urge is strong) I did not.. :(

for obvious reasons.. like I am a bad driver and I do not want to put the car in harm's way.

and when I got my car back... darn.. the difference was huge......

about € 25 000 &%$§"# worth of difference I would say... the ease of handling, the glide, the suspension, the sound proofing!! my god.... hence comparison is sometimes not a good thing.

But still, some time soon I will forget and it will be just another car I drove and one day should I own my own 5 series.. the excitement will come and it will go.. and I'd be lusting after something else...

Human instinct is the only thing that gets in the way of perpetual inner happiness ... greed, discontent.. although we count our blessing we always want more.. more.. more... unless we do not know 'more' exist.. so maybe ignorance is the key to happiness... someone found that out already- hence said, ignorance is bliss... I must agree..

Tomorrow onwards I will be out of the office for a week to study... YEEEAAHHH.. maybe not.. I am not sure if I should be happy or not that the exams is coming and going very very soon.... *_*

the end is near!!!

noreply@blogger.com (adelaine) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:26:00 +0000

hahahaha.. or the beginning of a new nightmare.. well, exams starts next Monday and I am feeling the stress.. :( but after this.. I will be freeeeeeeeee..

I have been giddy with fatigue.. I am so tired since I came back from Berlin. And to recover I have not been studying the last 2 days.. I was just too tired. Monday I met up with some friends in Düsseldorf and bought enough stuff that I can cook Japanese meals for 10 days.. and yesterday I visited the couple the own the beer garden near my place who just came back from a holiday in Malaysia and they bought me so much materials to cook with.. now I can have a small party with Malaysian spices.. both days I slept about 9 -ish 10 pm... and I am still exhausted..

I am getting old..

Here's some pictures from my trip in Berlin. Travelogue will follow... soon I hope...

and seriously what happened to all my blog buddies.. it seems that no one is blogging any more :( The leftover of active blogs is so sad now that I have removed everything that is not updated in more than 6 months..I guess real life gets to you...

berlin 29 Nov

crummy crummy

noreply@blogger.com (adelaine) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:51:00 +0000

After a few days of good weather last week- bad weather is back!!! yeaaahhhhh!!! (note sarcasm)

Strangely the electronic system of my car says something is wrong but the service centre can't find the reason and it is in the workshop since yesterday.. so I have to walk to work and back.. of course it is only 10 minutes but the weatherrrrrrr... hahahaha.. and I have meetings tomorrow.. so if I don't have my car yet...... mmm...

Also slowly being 'Germanised' a phrase I use to describe being more like the average German, I got my N1H1 vaccination...

Really?? Yup, it was free, so why not?

So now I am protected from H1N1!! Or so the manufacturer of the vaccine claims? Smart move or overkill? Hard to say.

This weekend I am off to Berlin for a study group meet up. Exams is in 2 weeks so............ keep your fingers and toes crossed for me...

all in good time..?

noreply@blogger.com (adelaine) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:02:00 +0000

I am sooo not motivated.... better than the dumps I was in a few days ago as the weather has changed to sunshine instead of gloomy gloomy rain. ppuuhhh... so still not as motivated as I should be but far far better than last week.

The 'highlight' of my year is my exams.. coming soon this 6th- 10th December.. My 'hard work' and of course $$$ that has been poured into my first year of studies will be graded and judged. I really want to get this over with!!

Granted that I still feel so unprepared.. I am getting a serious case of exams jitters... and my of my.. how long has it been since I felt this way :(

Otherwise I have also been busy sorting out loose ends for work, daily stuff, life etc.. organised emails, send xmas cards, getting things in my house fixed, re-potting my plants, censoring and consolidating my online identities etc..etc

making list of things to do...

so that everything is in good order for 2010.. wow.. another year.. when did I become such a control freak? This sickness is from the German air.. it is airborne and slowly infects you.. making you wanting to plan and organise every single aspect of your life.

But often you find that the only thing predictable about life is that change is constant. So why do we bother..? I guess in essence we all need to feel as if we are in control and for those 'events' that we could not, you jolt it down as luck (good or bad), fate or maybe God's grace if you are religious..

but all in good time.. time moves only in one direction and the future will unfold itself as it becomes the present. And here is the ever popular prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

from The Serenity Prayer --Reinhold Niebuhr

or this wouldn't hurt too:

Although my thoughts on money is that more money cannot make one proportionally happier.. happier yes.. but there is a saturation level.. mm.. should publish this in a post one day 'the diminishing return on happiness through increased monetary prosperity' and use it as a framework for my thesis..

Maybe I just need enough that it nothing makes a difference in any case.. wu ha ha.. I will make an offer to the devil.

Back to work, see you later!

Hello hello..

noreply@blogger.com (adelaine) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:20:00 +0000

I made some changes to my blog (as you might have noticed) and is suspending my old blog.

It was a documentation of a better half of my life (I started blogging in 2001)- because it captured so many memories I would like to someday re-read and see how much I have grown or changed.

But I guess as we transition to 2010 and I usher in 30 years of life, it is time for a change.

How will this blog be different from the old? Well the 'me' is generally the same, but I will try to write in 'proper' English. Which means I will try to proof read for once. Instead of only whining about life which I will still do, I would try to now focus on constructive parts of my experiences.. into ahem.. adulthood.. hahaha (and yes, I haven't fully accepted that I am one yet).

I hope to do more reviews, of place to eat, drink, travel, experiences that I had and would like to share. I hope to share meaningful experience of working and attempting a part time MBA, the experience of living in a foreign country, the whole experience of my experience.. haha..

I hope you will still follow me, leave a message or two.. and share my journey.

..and if we don't know each other in real life, I hope we do get acquainted-it is a small world after all. If we are already friends, hope that you will stay with me as we march ahead.